I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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