I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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