Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
