I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want her autograph on my taint
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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