just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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