I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
that may or may not have been my penis.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
