thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You smell like stripper and shame
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
