So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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