Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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