i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
