I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
foreskin is a definite game changer
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
