She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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