Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
