Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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