This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
