I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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