well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
