I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
