if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
