My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
