yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize