I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
