so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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