Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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