Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
