He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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