how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
4 words: hood of his car
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
