get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found a bag of teeth...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
