His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
