Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
