its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
bring money and cleavage
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
