well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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