two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
