Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
