You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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