would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
