On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
