3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
