They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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