Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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