Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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