He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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