Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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