Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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