what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
