I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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