I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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