Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
pray to the hookup gods
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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