i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
