Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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