The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
