I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
