I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
