Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
