I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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