please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
