he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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