we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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