dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
