she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
