Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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