Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How external is "for external use only"?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
