Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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