I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't deserve a penis
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
