If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
