You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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