hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She even gives head with a lisp.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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