...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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