I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
