considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
