I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
