OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
