My nipple is on Facebook.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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