Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
