She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
