I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
