i think my tv is drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Two words: nipple clamps
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