Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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