I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Randomize
