We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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