cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
